Vampires Will Never Hurt You
by Ebony Dark'ness
Summary: Bella can't decide between Edward and Jacob. Then she discovers a secret: the two boys are secretly in love with each other. Alternate title MeYer Immortal.
1. Romance

Hi my name is Bella Swan and I have brown hair and brown eyes and I'm very plain looking. I'm a human but I like to hang out with vampires and they never bite me! I live in Forks, Washington and I go to school there. I'm in my junior year (I'm seventeen). I was walking outside Forks High School. It was raining as usual, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I walked away from them.

"Hey Bella!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…Edward Cullen!

"What's up Edward?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was raining again. I walked to the kitchen and had some cereal. My friend, Jessica drove to my house to give me a ride to school. She grinned at me and flipped her curly black hair and opened her forest -green eyes. She drove to school.

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Edward Cullen yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Edward?" she asked as she parked her car.

"No I so don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Edward walked up to her car.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtingly.

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte is having a concert in Port Angeles." he told me.

"Oh. My. God!" I screamed. I _love _GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

"Well…do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.

On the night of the concert I went outside. Edward was waiting there in front of his car.

"Hi Edward!" I said in a depressed voice.

"Hi Bella." he said back. We walked into his silver Volvo and drove to the place with the concert. When we got there we went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold. You're covered in blood. They're all so happy you've arrived. The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom. She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own the lyrics to that song).

"Joel is _so_ hot." I said to Edward, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice. Suddenly Edward looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Edward sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary Duff. I hate her." I said disgustedly. The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Edward. After the concert, we asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Edward and I crawled back into the Volvo, but Edward didn't go back into Forks, instead he drove the car into the forest!

"Edward!" I shouted. "What do you think you are doing?" Edward didn't answer but he stopped the car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

"Bella?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped. Edward leaned in extra-close and I looked into his topaz eyes which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. And then…suddenly just as I, Edward kissed me passionately.

And then… "What the Hell are you doing you m*****f******!" It was…Charlie!

Charlie made and Edward and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludicrous fools!" he shouted. I started to cry. Edward comforted me. When we went back to Forks Charlie took us to Carlisle and Esme who were both looking very angry.

"They were taking a walk in the forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Esme.

"How dare you?" demanded Carlisle.

And then Edward shrieked. "Because I love her!"

Everyone was quiet. Charlie and Esme still looked mad but Carlisle said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms."

Edward and I went upstairs while they glared at us.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Edward asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. He drove me home and I brushed my teeth and my hair. When I came out, Edward was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went home.

The next day I ate breakfast in the cafeteria. Suddenly someone bumped into me. The cereal spilled over my top.

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up because I was looking into the face of a beautiful Native American boy.

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Jacob Black, although most people call me Werewolf these days." he grumbled.

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I am one." he giggled.

"Well, I'm in love witha vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared. We sat down to talk for a while. Then Edward came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.


	2. This mirror isn't big enough

Edward and I held hands as we went into biology class. I waved to Werewolf. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Edward. Anyway, I went to the lab excitedly with Edward. Class hasn't started yet. Then I saw a tattoo I've never saw on his arm before. It was the word…Werewolf! I was so angry.

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, standing up.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Edward pleaded. But I knew too much.

"No, you idiot!" I shouted. "You probably are cheating on me anyway!" I walked out of the classroom. Edward ran out too. I stomped out and did so until I was in Jacob's classroom where he was having a lesson with Dr. Carlisle and some other people.

"Jacob Black, you traitor!" I yelled. Everyone in the class stared at me and then Edward came into the room and started begging me to take him back.

"Bella, it's not what you think!" Edward screamed sadly. My friend Alice Cullen smiled at me understatedly.

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Carlisle demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

"Jacob, I can't believe you cheated on me with Edward!" I shouted at him. Everyone gasped.

I don't know why Bella was so mad at me. I had went out with Jacob (I'm bi and so is Bella) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Rosalie, a stupid prep. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)

"But I'm not going out with Edward anymore!" said Jacob.

"Yeah right!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the forest and then I started to bust into tears. I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Edward for cheating on me. I began to cry against a tree. Then all of a suddenly, a horrible man came to me. It was…James!

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice.

"Bella." he yelled. "Thou must kill Jacob Black!" I thought about Jacob and his sexy face. I remembered that Edward had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Edward went out with Jacob before I went out with him and they broke up?

"No, James!" I shouted back. James gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged.

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Edward!"

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

James got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. "I hath telekinesis." He answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Jacob, then thou know what will happen to Edward!" he shouted. Then he teleported away. I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Edward came into the woods.

"Edward!" I said. "Hi!"

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled.

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Forks High School together.

I was really scared about James all day. At lunch I suddenly bust into tears.

"Bella! Are you OK?" Alice asked in a concerted voice.

"What do you think?" I asked angrily. And then I said. "Well, James came and told me to kill Jacob! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Edward. But if I don't kill Jacob, then James will kill Edward!" I burst into tears. Suddenly Edward jumped out from behind a wall.

"Why didn't you tell me!" he shouted. "How could you, you mortal!" (See, is that out of character?) I started to cry and cry. Edward started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying. Then suddenly Charlie walked in angrily and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache.

"What have you done?" He started to cry wisely. (See, that's basically not swearing and this time he was really upset and you will see why) "Bella Edward has been found. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists."

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrified! Alice tried to comfort me but I ran to my house crying myself. Charlie chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room because he would look like a pervert that way. I couldn't believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed…Carlisle was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And he was masticating to it!

I took my gun and shot Carlisle a gazillion times and he started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Charlie ran in. "Bella, it has been revealed that someone has - NO!" he shouted looking at Carlisle and then he shot his gun and suddenly…

Sam Uley ran outside and said everyone we need to talk.

"What do you know, Sam? You're just a little Forks High School student!"

"I MAY BE A STUDENT…." Sam paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!"

"This cannot be." Carlisle said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Charlie's gun had shot him. "There must be other factors."

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly.

Carlisle held up the camera triumelephantly. "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!" I felt faint.

"Why are you doing this?" Carlisle said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his cloak. And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him.

"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Sam said and he paused in the air dramatically, waving his gun in the air. Then he swooped in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.

"Because you're gothic?" Carlisle asked in a little afraid voice because he was afraid it meant he was connected with Satan.

"Because I LOVE HER!"

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Edward had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together.

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS Sam but it was Jacob. He started to scream. "OMFG! NO! I'm turning into a werewolf!" and then…his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites.

I stopped. "How did u know?"

"I saw it!!"

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you were a human!" I shouted.

"I am but I also change into a wolf! Save me! Then I had a vision of what was happening to Edward…James has him bondage!"


	3. Like ghosts in the snow

Anyway I was in the hospital now recovering from falling. Carlisle and Sam were there too. They were going to jail after they recovered because they were pedophiles and you can't have those perverts teaching in a school with lots of hot girls. Charlie had constipated the video camera they took of me. Anyway Sam came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.

"Bella I need to tell you something." he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.

"You know I hate the color pink anyway, and I don't like preps like you." I snapped. Sam had been mean to me before for being gothic.

"No Bella." Sam says. "Those are not roses."

"What, are they Goths too you poser prep?" I asked because I was angry that he had brought me pink roses.

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied. You saved me from being spied on by Carlisle."

"Whatever!" I yelled angrily. He pointed at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered "Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you had TO SAY!'

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely.

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cords." Then he screamed. And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. Now I knew he wasn't a prep.

"OK I believe you now wtf is Edward?"

Sam rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.

"U c, Bella," Charlie said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c what is in the flames you must find yourself 1st, k?"

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Sam yelled.

Charlie looked shocked. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back.

Sam stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, Chief Swan!"

Anyway when I got better I went back to school.

"You look _kawai_, girl." Alice said sadly.

"Fangs (get it?) you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I cried again in the bathroom and put the shades on at home so Carlisle couldn't spy on me this time. I went to some classes. Jacob was in the Biology room. He looked all depressed because Edward had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Edward.

"Hi." he said in a depressed way.

"Hi back." I said in an equally said way. We both looked at each other for some time. Jacob had beautiful eyes so much like Edward's. Then…we kissed.

"STOP IT NOW YOU SIMPLETONS!" shouted Esme who was watching us and so was everyone else.

"Jacob!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Edward!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily. Jacob and I ran up the stairs looking for Charlie. We were so scared.

"Charlie!" we both yelled. Charlie came there.

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" he asked angrily.

"James has Edward!" we shouted at the same time. He laughed in an evil voice.

"No! Don't! We need to save Edward!" we begged.

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn what James does to Edward. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Bella." he said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him that much anyway." then he walked away.

Jacob started crying. "My Edward!" he moaned.

"It's okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to cry. Then he had a brainstorm. "I had an idea!" he exclaimed.

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." he said. He made me follow him and we went to the forest! We ran in just as we heard a croon voice say. "Die, vampire!" It was…James!

WARNING: SUM OF DIS SEKSHIN IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD.

We ran to where James was. It turned out that James wasn't there. Instead the fat guy who killed Edward in Harry Potter was. Edward was there crying. Wormtail was torturing him. Jacob and I ran in front of Wormtail.

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" he shouted as we started shooting him with a gun. Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey dovey look in his eyes. "Bella, you're beautiful."

"Huh?" I asked.

"Bella I love you." said Wormtail.

I started laughing. "You killed my bf and then you expect me to be with you? God, you are so messed up." I said angrily. Then I Avada Kedavra'd him like he did to Edward in the Goblet of Fire.

"No!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. I bust into tears sadly.

"Wormtail what art thou doing?" called James. Then he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us. So we ran as fast as our little legs could carry us and ran to my house. We went to my room. Jacob went away. There I started crying.

"What's wrong honey?" asked Edward.

"It's so unfair!" I yielded. "Why can't I just be attracted to human guys?"

"Why don't you like me? I don't like the other humans anyway." answered Edward.

"Yeah, but there are so many problems that come with loving you! Like Carlisle spying on me. Sam says he's in love with me. Jacob likes me and now even your killer is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Edward! Why couldn't I like normal people?" I shouted angrily. "IT'S A CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away.

"Bella, Bella!" shouted Edward sadly. "No, please, come back!" But I was too mad.

"Whatever! Now you can go and be with Jacob!" I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my door with my key. I started to cry and weep. Then I looked at my watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class. Anyway I drove to school feeling all sad and depressed as usual. I did sum advanced Biology work. Edward wasn't there. Suddenly Edward appeared!

"Bella I love you!" he shouted sadly. "I don't care what other humans think. Ur the most beautiful girl in the world. Before I met you I used to be bored all the time. Now I just wanna be with you. I love you!" Then…he started to sing "The Chronicles of Life and Death" (we considered it our song now because we fell in love when Joel was singing it) right in front of the entire class! His singing voice was so amazing sexy.

"OMFG." I said after he was finished. "I love you!" I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff and CMM in a Cinderella Story. Then we went away holding hands. Carlisle shouted at us but he stopped because everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether. Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Port Angeles right then. We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether.


	4. Drowning lessons

AN:

We drove happily to Port Angeles. There we saw the stage where GC had played. Gerard looked even sexier than he did in the pictures. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was…James and the Vultures!

"Edward I'm not going to a concert with u!" I shouted angrily. "Not after what happened to me last time? Even if it's MCR n u no how much I like them"

"What cause we…you know…" he gadget uncomfortably cause guys don't like to talk about you-know-what.

"Yeah cause we you know!" I yielded in an angry voice.

"We won't do that again." Edward promised. "This time, we're going with an ESCORT."

"OMFG are you giving into the mainstream?" I asked. "So I guess you're a prep or what now?"

"NO." he muttered loudly.

"R u becoming a prep or what?" I shooed angrily.

"Bella! I'm not! Please come with me!" He fell down to his knees and started singing 'The World is Black' by GC to me. I was flattened because that's not even a single; he had memorized the lyrics just for me!

"OK then I guess I will have to." I said and then I went to my room. Alice was standing there.

"Hi girl." she said happily. "BTW Jessica got expelled. She failed all her classes and she skipped math."

"I never really liked her anyways." I laughed angrily. "Maybe Jessica move out of Forks too." I said.

"Kawai." Alice shook her head energetically lethargically. "O have a confession after she got expelled she ran away."

"Kawai." I commented happily.

"OH HEY by the way, I'm going to a concert tonight with MCR." I said. "I need to wear like the hottest outfit EVA."

Alice Nodded Energetically. "Totally let's go shopping."

"In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my special Hot Topic Loyalty card.

"No." My head snapped up.

'WHAT?" my head spun. I could not believe it. "Alice, are u a human?"

"NO!" She laughed. "I found some cool stores in Port Angeles that's all."

"Who told you about them" I asked sure it would be Edward or Jasper or Jacob. Or me.

"Charlie." She sed. "Let me just call our brooms."

"Charlie?" I asked quietly.

"Yah I saw the map for Port Angeles on his desk." She told me. "Come on let's go."

We were going in a few stores ESPECIALLY for the concerts in Port Angeles. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE and he gave me a few dresses. "We only have these for those who know real vampires."

"Real vampires?" I and Alice asked.

"Yah u wouldn't believe how many posers there are in this town man! Yesterday Carlisle tried to buy a camera pouch." He shook his head. "I dint even no he had a camera."

"OMFG NO HES GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit.

"You have to buy that out fit" The salesperson said. "You know what I am gonna give it to you free because u look really hot in that outfit. Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?" he asked.

"Yeah I am actually." I looked back at him. "Hey BTW my name's Bella Swan what's yours?"

"James." He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. "Maybe I'll see you there tonight."

"Yeah I don't think so because I am going there with my bf Edward you sick pervert!" I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, Sam ran to us looking worried. "OMFG BELLA U NEED TO GET BACK INTO THE SCHOOL NOW!"

James gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free. He said he would help us with makeup if he wanted because he was really into fashion and stuff. Sam kept shooting at us to cum back to school.

"WTF Sam?" I shouted angrily. Well anyway Jessica came. Sam went away angrily.

"Hey you look cute." she said.

"Yah but not as cute as you." I answered sadly because Jessica's really pretty and everything.

"So r u going 2 the concert with Edward?" she asked.

"Yah." I said happily.

"I'm going with Jasper." she answered happily. Well anyway Edward and Jasper came. Alice was going to the concert with Emmett. Well anyway we all went 2 Edward's Volvo that his dad Carlisle gave him. We soon got there…I gasped. Gerard was the sexiest guy ever! He locked even sexier den he did in pix. Suddenly Gerard polled of his mask. So did the other members. It wasn't Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy man... Every1 ran away but me and Edward. Edward and I came. It was…James and the Vultures!

"U moronic idiots!" he shouted angstily. "Bella, I told u to kill Jacob. Thou have failed. And now…I shall kill thou and Edward!"

"No, please!" We begged sadly but he took out his knife. Suddenly an old man drove to us. He had short black hair. He was wearing a vest that said 'Ashlee Simpson' on the back. He shot his gun and James ran away. It was…Chief Swan!

I woke up the next day in my room. Chief Swan chased James away. Well anyway I went to school. There all the walls were painted black and the tables were black too.

"WTF!" I shouted going to sit next to Alice and Jessica. Suddenly a man with a black beard and everything came. He was the same one who had chassed away James yesterday. He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation and he had died his hair black.

"…CHARLIE?1!" we all gasped.

"WTF?" I shouted angrily. "I thought he was just wearing that to scare James!"

"Hello everyone." he said happily. "As u can see I gave the room a makeover. What do u fink about it?" All the humans started to cheer. Well we vampires just looked at each other all disgusted and shook our heads. We couldn't believe what a poser he was!1.

"BTW you can call me Carl." HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes.

"What a poser!" Edward shouted angrily as we went to Biology. We were holding hands. Jacob looked really jealous. I could see him crying but I didn't say anything.

"I bet he's having a mid-life crisis!" Jessica shouted. I was so angry.


	5. Our lady of sorrows

All day we sat angrily finking about Charlie. We were so mad. Well, I had one thing to look forward too- the MCR concert. It had been postponed, so we could all go. Anyway, I went to the cafeteria sadly to cut classes. Edward was being all secretive. I asked what it was and he got all mad me and started crying.

"No one understands me!1" he shouted angrily as his auburn hair went in his topaz eyes.

"Accuse me? What about me!" I growled.

"Buy-but-but-" he grunted.

"You bastard!" I moaned.

"No! Wait! It's not what it looks like!" he shouted. But it was too late. I knew what I herd. I ran to the bathroom angrily, crying. Edward banged on the door. I whipped and wept as my bloody eyeliner streamed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my face. I took out a cigarette and started to smoke pot. Suddenly Sam Uley came. He had aspirated.

"You gave me a shock!" I shouted angrily dropping my pot. "What do you fink you're doing in the girl's room?" Only it wasn't just Sam. Someone else was with him too! For a second I wanted it 2 b James or maybe Edward but it was Charlie.

"Hey I need to ask you a question." he said, pulling out his black wannabe vampire purse. "What are you wearing to the concert?"

"U no who MCR r!" I gasped.

"No I just saw there was a concert that a lot of vampires and werewolves were going 2." He said. "Anyway Edward has a surprise for u."

All day I wondered what the surprise was. MCR were gong 2 do the concert again, since James had taken over the last one. I moshed 2 MCR in my bedroom all night, feeling excited. Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on sum black clothes and moshing to Fang u 4 the Venom. I gut all mad and turned it of, but sacredly I hopped inside that it was Edward.

"What are you doing!" I shouted angrily. It was Carlisle! "R u gonna cum rape me or what." I yelled. I was allowed to say that because Charlie had told us all 2 be careful around Carlisle since he was a pedo.

"No, actually can I please burrow sum condemns." he growled angrily.

"Yah, so u can fuck your six-yr-old girlfriend, huh?" I shouted sarcastically.

"Fucker." He said, gong away. I went. Den I gasped…Carlisle and James were in the middle of the living room doing it, and a furry was watching!1

"Oh my god you ludicrous idiot!" they both shouted angrily when they saw me. The furry ran away crying. They got up, though. Normally I wood have been turned on (I love seeing guys do it) but both of them were humans. (Btw Carlisle is a human now)

"WTF is that why u wanted condoms?" I asked sadistically. (c I spelt that)

"Only you wouldn't give them to me!" Carlisle shouted angrily.

"Well you should have told me." I replayed.

"You dimwit!" James began 2 shoot angrily. And then…I took out my camera and took a picture of them. U could see that they were naked and everything.

"Well excuse me!" they both shouted angrily. "What was that al about?"

"It was to blackmail u." I snarled. "So now next time you see me with my boyfriend you can't rat me out or I'll show this to Charlie." I started to run. They chased me but I threw myself at them and they tripped over me. Well anyway, I went outside and there was Jacob, looking extremely hot.

"WTF where'd Edward?" I asked him.

"Oh he's being a bastard. He told me he wouldn't cum." Jacob said shaking his head. "You wanna cum with me? To the concert?" Then…he showed me his car. I gasped. It was a black car. He said his father Billy Black had given it to him. The license plate on the front said VPRZSUK on it. The one on the back said 'BELLA' on it. I gasped. We drove to the concert hall. MCR were there, playing. Jacob and I began 2 make out, moshing to the music. I gasped, looking at the band. Gerard was so hot! He began 2 sing 'Helena' and his sexy beautiful voice began 2 fill the hall…And den, I heard some crying. I turned and saw Edward, crying in a corner.

Later we all went in the school. Edward was crying in the cafeteria. "Edward, are u okay?" I asked.

"No I'm not!" he shouted angrily. He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way. I stated to cry because I was afraid he would commit suicide.

"Its ok Bella." said Jacob comfortingly. "I'll make him feel better."

"You mean you'll go kiss him wont you!" I shouted angrily. Then I ran 2 get Edward. Jacob came too.

"Edward please come!" he began to cry. Tears came down his face. I was so turned on because I love sensitive bi guys. And then…we herd sum footsteps! Jacob turned us into inanimate objects. We both did. We saw Mr. Varner there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand.

"WHOSE THERE!" he shouted angrily. We saw him come. He sat on the chair I turned into. "IS ANY1 THERE!" yelled Mr. Varner.

"No!" Jacob the table said.

"EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!" yelled Mr. Varner. "Is there any1 in the cafeteria?" he asked. And then…Jacob kissed me! He did it just as…we were turning back into ourselves!

"WHAT DA-" he yelled but it was 2 late because now we were ruining away from him. And den we saw Edward crying n busting in2 tears outside of the school.

"Edward!" I cried. "R u okay?"

"I guess though." Edward wept. We drove to my place. Edward and I decided to watch Lake Placid (c isn't that depressing) on my bed together. As I was about 2 put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. There was a knock on the door and Victoria walked into the school!1

All day everyone talked about Victoria. Well anyway, I woke up the next day. Then I gasped. Standing in front of me where…Alice, Jacob, Jasper, Edward, Emmett and Jessica!

"OMFG" I yielded as I jumped up. "Why are u all here?"

"Bella something is really messed up." Edward said.

"OK but I need to put my clothes on first." I shouted angrily.

"It's all right. We have to go now and you look cute anyway. You're so beautiful." Edward said in a sexy voice.

"Oh all right." I said smiling. "But you have to tell me why you're being all straight and vertical."

"I will." he said. Inside the cafeteria we could see Chief Swan. Victoria was there shouting at Charlie.

"This cannot be!" she shouted angrily. "The school must be closed! The Voltaire is planning to kill the Cullens! You are not fit to be chief any longer! You are too old and your Alzheimer's is dangerous! You must retry or James will kill the Cullens!"

"Very well." Charlie said angrily. "Butt we cannot do this. We can't close the school. There is only one person who is capable of killing James and she is in the school. And her name is…Bella Swan." Edward, Jessica, Jacob and Alice looked at each other…I gasped.


	6. Headfirst for halos

The door opened and Victoria stomped out angrily. Then Charlie and Victoria sawed us.

"MS. SWAN WHAT THE BEEP IS YOU DOING!" Victoria shouted angrily. Charlie blared at her.

"Oops she made a mistake!" he corrupted her. "She means hi everybody cum in!" Well we all came in angrily. So did all the other students. I sat beside Edward and opposite Alice. Jasper and Emmett started 2 make some morbid jokes. They both looked exactly like Ville Vollo. I eight some Count Chocula from a cup. Then I herd someone shooting angrily. I looked behind me it was…Jacob! He and Edward were shooting at each other.

"Jacob, Edward WTF?" I asked.

"You bustard!" yelled Edward at Jacob. "I want to *beep* next to her!1"

"No I do!" shouted Jacob.

"No she doesn't like u!" yelled Edward.

"No she laves me not you!" shouted Jacob. And then…he jumped on Edward! (no not in that way u pervert) They started to fight and beat up each other. Charlie yelled at them but they didn't stop. All of a sudden…a terrible man walked in. All the glass in the window he walked thru fell apart. Rosalie that prep started to cry. Jacob and Edward stopped fighting…I shopped eating….Everyone gasped. The room fell silent…James!

"Bella…" Darth Vader said evilly in his raspy voice. "Thou have failed your mission. Now I shall kill thou and I shall kill Jacob as well. If thou does not kill him before then I shall kill Edward too!"

"Please don't make me kill him please!" I begged.

"No!" he laughed crudely. "Kill him, or I shall kill him anyway!" Then he flew away cackling. I bust into tears. Edward and Jacob came to contort me. Suddenly my eyes rolled up so they looked all cool and vampire-like. I had a vision were I saw some lighting flash and then James coming to kill Edward.

"No!" I screamed sexily. Suddenly I locked up and stopped having the vision.

"Bella are you alright?" asked Edward in a worried voice.

"Yeah." I said sadly as I got up.

"Everything's all right Bella." said Jacob all sensitive.

"No its not!" I shouted angrily. Tears went down my face. "OMFG what if I'm getting possessed like in the Ring 2!"

"Its ok girl." said Alice. "Maybe u should ask Miss Varner about what the visions mean though."

"Ok." I said sadly and den we went. Well we had Biology next so I got to ask Mr. Varner about the visions.

"Konnichiwa everybody come in." said Miss Varner in Japanese. She smelled at me with her lipstick. She's the coolest teacher ever. She's really young for a teacher. We went inside the black classroom with pastors of Emily the Strong. I raced my hand.

"What is it Bella?" she asked. "Hey I love your nail polish where'd u get it, Hot Topic?"

"Yeah." I answered. All the preps who didn't know what HT was gave me weird looks. "Well I have to talk to you about some things. When do you want to due it?"

"Ho about now?" she asked.

"OK." I said.

"OK class dismissed every1." Miss Varner said and she let every1 go. "Except for you Rosalie." she pointed at Rosalie and sum other preps.

"Please do exorcize 1 on page 3."

"OK I'm having lots of visions." I said in a worried voice. I'm so worried is Edward gong 2 die. Well she gave me a black cryptal ball to lock in. I looked at it.

"What do you c?" she asked.

"I said I see a black gothic skull and a pentagram." Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I looked at it. It was Edward.

"Okay you can go now, see you." said Miss Varner.

"Bye." I said waving. I went to Edward and Jacob was sitting next to him. We both followed Edward together and I was so exhibited. I was so excited. We went outside and then we went into Edward's silver car.

"Bella what did Miss Varner say." whispered Edward potting his hand on mine.

"She said she would tell me what the visions meant tomorrow." I grumbled in a sexy voice. He took out a heroin cabaret and spiked it, and gave it to me to spork. He started to fly the car into a tree. We went to the top of it. Edward put on some MCR.

"And all the things that you never ever told me and all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me." sang Gerard's sexy voice. I fell asleep. I started having a dream. In it a black guy was shooting two men with long black hair.

"No! Please don't kill us!1" they pleaded but he just kept shooting them. He ran away in a red car.

"No! Oh my god!11" I shouted in a scared voice.

"Bella what's wrong?" Edward asked me as I woke up opening my eyes. I told Edward to call Jacob. Butt the worst thing was who the pep who were shot in the dream where…Carlisle and Billy!111 A few mutates later Jacob came 2 the tree.

"Hi Jacob." I said flintily as I started to sob. Edward hugged me trying to comfort me. I started to cry and then told them what happened.

"Oh!" Jacob shouted angrily. He4 started to cry sadly. "What did that!"

"I don't know." I said. "Now come on we have 2 tell Charlie." We ran out of the tree and in2 the police station. Charlie was sitting in his office.

"Sire our dads have been shot!" Edward said while we wiped sum tears from his face. "Bella had a vision in a dream."

Charlie started to cockle. "Hashanah! And how due u aspect I to know Bella am not divisional?" I glared at Charlie.

"Look." he said angrily as Chief Swan gasped. "U know very well that I'm not decisional. Now get some people out there to look for Billy and Carlisle- pronto!"

"Okay." he said in an intimated voice. "Where are they?"

I fought about it. Then all of a sudden…"Seattle." I said. I told him which street. He went and called some people and did some stuff. After a few mistunes he came back and said people were going out looking for them. After a while someone called him again. He said that they had been found. Edward, Jacob and I all left to our homes together. I went with Edward to wait in the police office while Jacob went to his house. We looked at each other's eyes. Then, we kissed. Suddenly Billy and Carlisle came in on stretchers…and Miss Varner was behind them!1 Every1 in the room stated to cry happily- I had saved them. Edward, Carlisle, Billy and Jacob all came to hug me. The nurse started to give them medicine.

"Cum on Bella." Said Miss Varner. "I have to tell you the perdition." I locked at Carlisle, Billy, Edward and Jacob. They nodded. I smelled happily and went into a dark room. Miss Varner took out some black cards. She started to look into a black crucible ball. She said…"Bella, I see dark times are near." She said badly. She peered into the balls. "You see, you must go back in time." She took out a Time-Toner like Alice had. "When James was in Forks High School before he became powerful he guts his hearth broken. Now do you fink he would still become James if he was in love?" I shook my head. "U must go back in time and seduce him. It is the only way. If he is still evil then you must kill him. You can come to my room tomorrow and you can do it."

"Okay." I said sadly. We did deaths touch sin. I went outside again sadly.


	7. Skylines and turnstiles

"What happened?" asked Edward and Jacob.

"Yeah what happened?" asked Darkness, Jessica and Alice. I was about to tell them butt every1 was there. They were celebrating Carlisle and Billy being fond. Everyone was proud of me butt I jut wonted 2 talk 2 Edward. They were cheesing my name and some reporters were there, trying to interview Charlie. A banner was put up. Lots of preps were there obviously trying 2 be b vampires getting powder all over themselves- despite them not actually being vampires. Even Mr. Varner looked happy. A black and red cake had been brought out. Edward set up some fireworks in the shape of fangs from Wesley's Wizard Wises. I turned into a wolf with Jacob and Edward and we sneaked outside 2gether.

We went in2 a black room. The walls were black with portraits of gothic bands like MCR, GC and Marlin Mason all over them. A big black coffin was in the middle. Red velvet lined the black box. There were three chairs made of bones with real skulls in them. I sat down one of the chairs dispersedly. So did Edward and Jacob.

"Are you okay?" Jacob asked potting his hand on mine.

"Yah I guess." I said sadly. Edward also put his hand on mine. I smiled sadly. "The problem is…I have to seduce James. Ill have 2 go back in time" Edward started to cry sadly. Jacob hugged him.

"It's okay Bella." he said finally. "But what about me? Ur not gonna brake up or anything, are you?"

"Of coarse not!" I gasped.

"Really?" he asked.

"Sure." I said. Then I tried to jump in the coffin with Edward and Jacob.

Suddenly…"WHAT R U DOING!" It was…Carlisle and Esme!111

"Oh my satan!1" we screamed as we jumped out of the coffin. Carlisle and Esme started to shoot at us angrily.

"CUM NOW!1!" Esme yielded. We did guiltily. We left the room. Carlisle garbed the coffin and put it in his pocket.

"Hey!111" Jacob shouted angrily.

"Yeah what are you going to do with the coffin?" Edward demanded all protective, looking at me Longley with his topaz eyes. "Look, Charlie knows your little secret and if you do this again, then u will go to jail. So give back the coffin!1"

"Victoria thinks he is crazy there is no way she will believe him." Carlisle laughed meanly.

"Yes so shut your mouth you insolent fool!" yelled Esme. She made us cum into a weird room with white stones all around it. There were all these weird tools in it. Edward started to cry. Jacob took out a black handkerchief and started to wipe my eyes. And then… he and Carlisle both took out guns. They started to shoot each other angrily. None of the ballots gut on each odder yet. I took out my gun.

"Crosio!" I shouted. Carlisle stated 2 scram he dropped the gun. But it was too late. Both of them had run out of ballets. I STOPPED SHOOTING. Esme chained us up. She took out a box of tools. Den she said "OK Carlisle I'm going 2 go now." She left. Carlisle started to laugh evilly. Jacob started to cry.

"It's ok Bella." said Edward. "Evergreen will be all right. Remember the video u took of Carlisle." Carlisle laughed again. And then...he took out some steak!1!1111

"No!11" we screamed sadly. Carlisle stated loafing meanly. He took out a camera evilly. Then…he came towards Edward!1! He took sum stones out of his pocket. He put the stones around Edward and nit a candle.

"What r u doing!" I shouted angrily. Carlisle laughed meanly. He waved his gun and picked up a knife. He gave the knife 2 me.

"U must stab Jacob." he said to me. "If u don't then I'll kill Edward!1"

"No you bastrad!1" I yielded. But den Edward looked at me sadly with his topaz eyes that looked so depressant and sexy. He looked exactly like Cedric from Harry Potter. But then I looked at Jacob and he looked so sexy too. I thought of the time when we screwed and the time I did it with Edward and Charlie came and the tame where Edward almost committed suicide and Jacob was so sportive. Carlisle laughed angrily. He started to prey to James. He started to do an incapacitation dancing around stokes whipping Edward and Jacob. Suddenly an idea I had. I closedd my eyes and using my vampire powers I sent a telepath massage to Edward and Jacob so they would destruct Carlisle.

"Charlie will get u!" Edward shouted.

"Yah just wait until Victoria finds out!11" Jacob yelled. Meanwhile I took out my gun.

"You ridiculous dondderhed!111" Carlisle yielded.

"Crosio!" I shouted pointing my gun. Carlisle screamed and started running around the room screaming. Meanwhile I grabbed my black mobile and sent a txt 2 Billy. I stopped doing crucio.

"You dunderhed!111 I'm going to kill-" shouted Carlisle but suddenly Billy came. Carlisle put the whip behind his back.

"Oh hello I was just teaching them something." he lied. But suddenly Mr. and Miss Varner came in2 the room and they and Billy unlocked the chains and put them around Carlisle. Then Miss Varner said 'Come on Bella let's go."

"I always knew u were on James's side." Billy said 2 Carlisle.

"No I'm not I was teaching them somefing!1" Carlisle clamed.

"Oh yeah?" I took some black Jameserum out of my pocket and gave it to Billy. He made Carlisle drink it. He did angrily. Then Charlie took out a tape recorder and started playing it while he did curses on Carlisle. Then Miss Varner and Charlie made us get out with them while Carlisle told his secretes. Carlisle took Jacob and Edward to the nurse after thanking me a million times. Miss Varner took me to a dark room. Now I was going to go back in time to seduce James. Moving posters of MCR and Nirvana were all over. Alice and Jessica came too. Alice gave me a black bag from James's store.

"What's in the bag?" I asked Miss Varner.

"U will c." she said. I opened thee bag. In it was a slutty looking outfit.

"You look cute." Alice said.

"Fangs." I said.

"Ok now you're going to go back in time." said Miss Varner. "U will have to do it in a few sessions." She gave me a black gun. I put it in a strap on my fishnets like in Resident Evil. Then she gave me a black time-tuner. "After an hour use the time turner to go back here." she said. Then she and Alice put a Pensive in front of me. Every1 went in front of it.

"Good luk!1" Everyone shouted. Jessica gave me death's touch sin. Then…I jumped sexily in2 the Pensive. Suddenly I was in front of the School. In front of me was one of the sexiest goth guys I had ever seen. He was wearing long black hair. He had green eyes and pale whit skin. It was…James Bond!1111


	8. Early sunsets

"Hi." I said flintily. "I'm Bella Swan the new student." I shook my pale hand with their black nail polish with him.

"The name's James." he said. "But u can call me Satan. That's ma middle name" We shook hands. "Well come on we have 2 go upstairs." Satan said. I followed him. "Hey Satan…do u happen to be a fan of Green Day?" I asked.

"Oh my god, how did u know?" Satan gasped. "Actually I like GC a lot too."

"OMG me too!" I replied happily.

"Guess what they have a concert in Port Angles." Satan whispered.

"Port Angles?" I asked.

"Yeah that's what they used to call it in these times before it became Port Angeles in 2000." he told me all secretively. "And there's a really cool shop called Hot-"

'Topic!" I finished, happy again. He frowned confusedly.

"No it's called Hot Subject." He smiled secretively again. "Then in 1998 they changed it to hot topic." he moaned.

"oh." now everything was making sense for me. "So is Charlie your principal?" I shouted.

"uh-huh." he looked at his black nails. "u go to this skull?" he asked.

"Yah that's why I'm here I'm NEW." I SMELLED Happily. Suddenly Charlie walked in and started shredding at us angrily.

"NO TALKING IN THE HALLS!" he had short blonde hair and was wearing a polo shirt from American eagle outfitters. "STUPID GOFFS!" Satan rolled his eyes.

"His so mean to us vampires and punks just because we're not preps."

I turned around angrily. "Actually I fink maybe its because you're the bark lord."

"WTF?" he asked angrily.

"Oh nothing," I said sweetly. Then suddenly…the floor opened. "OMFG NO I SCEAMED AS I FEEL DOWN. Everyone looked At ME weirdly."

"Hey where r u going?" Satan asked as I fell. I got out of the hole n it was back in the pensive in Miss Varner's classroom. Charlie was there. "Charlie I think I just met u." I said.

"Oh yeah I remember that." Charlie said, trying to be all gothic. Varner came in. "hey this is my classroom wait Bella what the hell r u doing?"

"um," I looked at her.

"Oh yeah I forgot bout that."

"How?" I screamed forgetting she was a teacher for a second. But she's a vampire so it's ok. Miss Varner looked sad. "Um I was drinking Jamesserum." she started to cry black tears of depression. Charlie didn't know about them.

"Hey r u crying tears of blood?" he asked curiously, touching a tear.

"*beep* off!" we both said and Charlie took his hand away. Miss Varner started crying again in her chair, sobbing limpid tears. "Bella…I think I'm addicted to Jamesserum."

"Oh my god!1" I shouted sadly. "Should we get u 2 a hospital?"

"Hel no!" she said. "Listen Bella, I need your help. Next time u go back in time, do u fink u could ask James Potter 4 sum help?"

"Sure I said sadly. I went outside the door. Edward was there!111

"Hey Sexy." I said.

"How'd it go Bella?" he asked in his voice was so sexy.

"Fine." I responded. We stared 2 go back in2 my house.

"How far did u go with Satan?" Edward asked jealously.

"Not 2 far, lol." I barked.

"Will you have to do it with him?" Edward asked nastily.

"I hop not 2 far!111" I shouted angrily. Den I felt bad 4 shooting at him. I said sorry.

"What happened to Carlisle?" I growled.

"U will see." Edward giggled listlessly. He opened a door…Carlisle was there!11 Billy was powering them by staging them with a black knife.

"NOOOO PLZ!1111" Carlisle bagged as Billy started 2 suck his blood. I laughed statistically. I took some photons of him and Carlisle being torque. (Ok I no this is men but fink about it people they r pedophiles and Carlisle tried 2 bite them and anyway sadists rock has any1 seen shark attack 3). We took sum of Carlisle's blood den Edward and I went back 2 our rooms. We sat on my bed. My cloves were kind of dirty. Edward put on 'desolation livers' by MCR.

I woke up in the coffin de next day. Edward was gone. Suddenly…Billy cocked on the door. I opened it.

"Hi Bella." he said. "Guess what u have 2 cum 2 Miss Varner's office."

"Ok." I said. I had wanted to be with Edward or maybe lessen to MCR or Evanescence. I came anyway.

"So what happened to Carlisle?" I asked Billy flintily.

"I tortured them." he answered in a statistic way. "They r in jail now." I laughed evilly.

"Where r Edward and Jacob?" I muttered.

"They are excused form school 2day." Billy moaned sexily. "Rite now they are watching the Nightmare b4 Xmas." We went into the office. Miss Varner was there. She took out the Pensive and the time-turner.

"Bella, you will have to do another session now. Also I need u to get me the cure 4 being addicted." she said sadly. "Good luck. Fangs!" And then…I jumped into the Principe again. Suddenly I looked around…I was in the Grate Hall eating Count Chocula. It was mourning. I was sitting next to Satan. On a table was a tall gothic man with long black hair, pail skin and blue eyes wearing a suit and black Converse shoes. He looked just like Charily Manson. I noticed……he was drinking a portent.

"Whose he!11" I asked.

"Oh, that's a teacher." Satan said. "He's the Portents teacher…Bella?"

"Yah?" I asked.

"Did u know that Tokio Hotel is playing in Port Angeles tonight? And they r showing The Exercise at the movies b4 dat."

"Yah?"

"Well…...want 2 go 2 the contort and the movie with me?"


	9. This is the best day ever

I went in2 the cafeteria finking of Satan. Suddenly I gasped…Edward was there!111 I grasped.

"Edward what r u dong!111111" I gasped.

"Huh?" he asked. Then I remembered. It wasn't Edward. It was a teacher!1 He still had two arms.

"Oh hi Carlisle!1" I sed. "I'm Bella the new student loll we shook hands."

"Yah Satan told me about you." he said. He pointed to a group of sexy vampire guys. They where sitting in a corner. It was Billy, Jacob's dad and…Carlisle! "Listen I'm in a goth band with those guys." he said. "Were playing 2nite at the Tokio Hotel show as back-up.

"ORLY." I ESKED.

"Yeah." he said. "We're called Rainy Coast. I play the gutter. Billy plays the drums" he said pointing to him. "Carlisle plays the boss. And James plays the guitar to even of we call him Samara, after Samara in the ring."

"Hey bastards." I told them they gave me Depths touch sin. Suddenly I gasped again. "But don't you have a lead singer!" I asked. Carlisle looked dawn sadly.

"We used to but she did. She left us because she's human."

"Oh my god!11 That's so sad!1" I gasped.

"Its okay but we need a new led snigger." Samara said.

"Well…I said I'm in a band myself."

"Really?" asked Carlisle. I couldn't believe it. He used 2 b a vampire!111

"Yeah were called Bloody Gothic Vampires 666. Do u wanna hr me sing?"

"Yeah" said everyone. So the guys took out their guitarz. They began to pay a song bi Green Day.

"I wok this empty street on the boulevard of broken dreams." I sang sexily (I don't own the lyrics 2 that song).. Every1 gasped.

"Bella? Will u join the band? Plz!1" begged Carlisle, Samara, Billy and Charlie.

"Um…ok." I shrugged. "Are we going to play tonight?"

"Yah." they said.

"Ok." I said but I new that I had 2 get a new outfit. I walked outside wondering how I could go forward in time. Suddenly someone jumped in front of me. It was…Marty Mcfli!1

"What th hell r u dong here!11" I asked.

"I will help u go forward in time Bella." he said seriously Den……….he took out a black time machine. I went in2 it and…suddenly I was forward in tim!111

EDWARD'S PONT OF VIEW LOL

Jacob and I chained Sam 2 the floor.

"Oh mi satan!11" Bella said. She was so hot. "Maybe I cud use Amnesia potion 2 make Satan fall in love with me faster!1"

"But u r so sexy and wonderful anyway Bella," said Jacob. "Why would u need it?"

"To make everything go faster." said Bella.

"But you won't have to do it with him or anything, will u?" I asked jealously.

"OMFG u guys r so scary!11" said Rosalie, a prep.

"Shut up!1" said Jessica.

"Ok well anyway lets go 2 Miss Varner's room." Edward, Bella and I went to her room. But she wasn't there. Instead James Rid was.

"Oh hi" he said. Listen, I got u sum cool new clothes. I took out the slutty cloves from the bag.

"OMG fangs!" I said hugging him in a gothic way. I took the clothes in the bag.

"OK Miss Varner isn't hr what should we do?" asked Edward. Suddenly he looked at a sign on the black wall.

"Oh my satan!1" I screamed as I read it. On it said Evry1 Miss Varner is away. She is too gothic she is in jail now. Classes shall be taught by Charlie who is back but he shall not be principal 4 now. Sincerely Victoria.

"OMFG!111" I shouted angrily. "How could they do that!11" Suddenly Charlie came.

"WHAT DA HELL R U DONG IN MY OFICE!1" he began to shoot angrily. Suddenly I saw Marty Muffle's black time machine!111 I jumped seductively in2 it leaving Edward and Jacob. Suddenly I was back in tim!11 I looked around. It was…Charlie's efface! I sneaked around. Suddenly I saw the Amnesia potion on his desk. It was black with blood-red pentagrams in it. It was the shape of a cross. I put it in my pocket. Suddenly the door opened it was…Charlie!11

"OMG what r u doing" he shouted angrily I don't know what r u DOING I SHOUTED ANGRILY.

"Oh sorry I was just looking around because I thought it was class." you said hoping he couldn't see the potion.

"Oh ok u can go now." said Charlie. You went to the conmen room after putting on my clothes. Silas, Samara and Carlisle were there practicing Vampires will Never Hurt U by MCR.

"Oh hi you guys." I said seductively. "Where's Satan?"

"Oh he's coming." said Billy. "BTW u can call me Hades now." Suddenly Satan came.

"Ok I will see you guys at the concert." I said and then I went with Satan. Satan and I walked 2 his car. It was a black car with pentagrams all over it. On the license plate said 666 just like Edward's car. I went in it seductively. Stan started to drive it. We talked about Satanism (lulz he was named after Satan), cutting, music and being vampires.

"Oh my Satan, Gerard is so hot!11" James agreed as we smoked sum weed.

"I totally decided not 2 commit suicide when I herd Helena." I said in a flirty voice. "…Hey Satan do u know the cure 4 when people r addicted 2 Jamesseruem?"

"Well…" he thought. "I fink u have 2 drink Jacob blood." Suddenly James parked the car behind a black movie theater. Satan and I walked outside. We went in2 the movie tethers were they were showing the Exercise. In it a boy and a girl were doing it suddenly a cereal killer came. Satan and I laughed at the blood because we're sadists. While Satan was watching the movie, I had an idea. I took Satan's gothic black Nightmare b4 Christmas cigar sexily from his pocket and put sum Amnesia potion in it. I put it back in his black Emile the Strange bag. Satan turned around and started 2 smoke it. Black clouds with red pentagrams and me started 2 fly around everywhere.

"OMG!111" Satan said jumping up. I gasped because I was afraid had noted.

"Bella guess what?" I new that the amnesia had worked.

"Amnesia potion has not been invented yet so it will not work." He said. "2 bad coz I wanted 2 use sum on u."

"Cool." I raised my eye suggesting. And den…he took of my cloves sexily and we started 2 make out. I took of his shit . He had six-pack just r like Gerard Way!11

"Excuse me but u r going 2 have 2 leave!111" shouted the lady behind us she was a prep.

"*beep* u!11" I said. Suddenly…………………. I attacked her sucking all her blood.

"Noooooo!11" she screamed. All the preps in the theater screamed but everyone else crapped because Satan and I looked so cute 2gether. Satan and I started to walk outside.

"How did u do that?" James asked in a turned-on voice.

"I'm a vampire." I said as we went into the car.

"Seriously?" he gasped.

"Yah seriously." I said drinking sum beer. Satan started 2 drive the car. I smelled happily.

"It's too bad we didn't get 2 c the rest of the movie, don't u fink?"

"Yah." I said as we kissed passively. Satan parked in a black driveway next 2 the place where Edward and I had watched GC for the first time.


	10. Cubicles

We went inside where Tokio Hotel was playing and started to mosh.

"You get up and somebody tells you where to go to, when you get there everybody's telling you what to do!" screamed the female lead singer (AN: seriously, the band, especially the lead singer, look like drag queens.) on the stage. We did the devil fingers. I started to dance really close to Satan. He was so sexy!1 He looked at me all emo. Suddenly the girl stopped singing.

"I wood like to peasant…Rainy Coast!11" he said. I ran onstage. Carlisle, Samara, Charlie and Billy were there. They started 2 play their instilments. I got onstage.

"Well if u wonted honesty that's all u had 2 say!1111" I sang. (I don't own the lyrics 2 that song) My voice sounded like a pentagram between Amy Lee and a girl version of Gerard Woy. Everyone clapped. Satan got an eructation. "I'M NUT

OKAY!1" I sang finally. Suddenly Carlisle started playing the song wrong by mistake.

"OMFG!1" yielded James. "Wat?"

"Woops I'm sorry!" said Carlisle.

"You *beep*!1" James shouted angrily.

"U guys are such prepz!11" Carlisle said. "Cum on it was a mistake!1"

"Yah it's not his fault!11" said Billy.

"No he ruined the fucking song!1" yelled Samara.

"U guys stop!11" I shouted angrily but it was 2 late. They all began to fight. Suddenly Samara took out his knife.

"OMFG no!11" shouted Lucan but it was 2 late James tried 2 shoot off his arm. And den…I jumped sexily in front of the bullet!11

"No!111" yielded everyone but it was 2 late suddenly everything went black.

I, the spineless idiot Sue, coughed up blood. Edward kneeled down beside me.

"No! Don't die!"

I gave him a rueful smile. "I'm sorry. It's something I had to do, to fulfill my duty as Stephenie Meyer's personal fantasy."

Edward sobbed. "I love you Bella."

"I love you too. I'll...I'll see you in hell." I mumbled, already finding my surroundings fading to black. Alice Cullen suddenly popped into the room for no apparent reason. She frowned when she realized the room was oddly quiet, but at the sight of Bella's lifeless body, she screamed. Her face became even paler than she already was. She screamed for the vampires, Charlie, Esme, and every single poorly developed character she could think of. Suddenly, a glow started to surround the body of Bella. Everyone stared in shock. Her body started to lift ever so slowly and then, to everyone's shock, it started to incinerate. When everyone realized what was happening, they rushed over to try to rescue the body, but it was too late, the Sue became nothing more than a pile of ashes.

A loud resounding of everyone bellowing "NO!!" filled the room. A flash of white light from the ashes then started to bounce around the room. Everyone cowered in fear and they were temporarily blinded. When it was all over, things changed. All the Twilight series books ever produced were burned and, in their place, were replaced by the works Shakespeare, Wilde, and other respected literary heroes. When everyone got over the shock of becoming free of this trash, everybody cheered. Everyone started singing 'Ding dong that sh*t is gone...' Well, that is, until all the halfway decent books were realized to never deserve to be placed next to that pile of literary slime. All the characters in the series fell to the floor, their bodies cold and lifeless. Good and Evil started dueling. On the left side of the two, the battle of the Light Side and the Dark Side were reaching a climax. And, because the author also likes to screw around with Harry Potter, Harry and Malfoy fled the scene and got married.

Meanwhile... Down in hell, Bella shed a single tear because of her current situation. A situation that would live on for all eternity. Or at least until the end of storytelling time. She lost it all, but she knew she had to remain strong. Nothing would ever break her down. She looked around the Biology classroom, but could not see Edward. She asked herself in confusion. And then it occurred to her...she was back in her old school in Phoenix. Around her were students bearing tanned bodies. No one had topaz eyes, or eyes with purple shadows under them. And then Bella realized, there was no person bearing any resemblance to the Cullens or the Hales. Bella suppressed the urge to scream. Here she was in sunny land, sitting in a classroom listening to a teacher explaining the learning material. Panicked, Bella hastily tried to get up and walk out of the classroom, but she could not move. Bella frowned, and looked around the room. All she saw was a classroom full of human teenagers. Bella tried to stand up again. But to her frustration, she was paralyzed.

"THIS IS UNLOGICAL AND DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE!!" Bella bellowed out to the air. She failed to see the irony in her statement, how hypocritical her words were, seeing as she was practically calling the kettle black here. Bella wished there was a vampire next to her and mumbled to herself, "I'm so sad!" The end.

---

I woke up in the Norse's office on a special coffin. Sam was in the bed opposite me in a coma coz Jacob and Edward had bet him up. Mr. Varner was cleaning the room.

"Oh mi Satan what happened!" I screamed. Suddenly James came. He looked less mean then usual. "Get out u bastard!11" I yielded.

"Thou hath nut killed Jacob yet!11" he said angrily. Suddenly he started 2 cry al selective.

"James? OMFG what's wrong!111" I asked. Suddenly…Carlisle, Miss Varner and Billy came! Alice and Jacob were with them. Every1 was holding black boxes. JAMES DISAPAERD.

"OMFG Bella you're alive!111" Screamed Jacob. I hugged him and Alice.

"What happened?" I asked them. "Oh my satan!11 Am I like a vampire now?" I gasped.

"Bella u were almost shot!11" said Billy. "But the ballet could not kill u since u were form another time."

"But fangs anyway!1" said Carlisle holding out his arm. I gasped. He had two arms!

"OMG I cant believe Jacob's dad shot u!1" I gasped.

"Well 2 be honest Carlisle was possessed by Carlisle back den." said James.

"Yah he was a spy." Billy said sadly. "He was really a Vulture."

"And he was such a poser 2!11" said Carlisle. "He didn't even really no who GC was until I told him." Well anyway everyone started 2 give me presents. I was opening a black box with red 666s (there was a DVD of corps bride in it) on it when I gasped. Mr. Varner looked up angrily coz he h8ed vampires.

"Hey has anyone seen Edward?" I asked.

"No Edward told me he wood be watching Hoes of Wax." said Miss Varner. "He doesn't know that you're better. Anyway the nurse said u could get up. Cum on!1" I got up. Carlisle, Billy and Miss Varner left. I left the hospital with Alice, Jessica and Jacob.

"OMFG let's celebrate!11" gasped Jessica.

"We can go c Hose of Wax with Edward!1" giggled Jacob.

"Let's go listen 2 GC and cut ourselves 666!11" said Alice. We opened the cafeteria door. And den…I gasped…Edward was there doing it with Carlisle!

"U prep!11" we all yielded angrily.

"Yah u betrayed us!111" shouted Jacob angrily as he took out his black gun.

"No u don't understand!1" screamed Edward sadly.

"No u suck u preppy bastard!111" said Jessica trying 2 attack him. I ran to my room I sexily took a steak out.

"Bella no!11111" screamed Edward but it was 2 l8 I had ate it. Suddenly everything went black again.


	11. Demolition lovers

When I woke up I was in a strange room. I looked around I was wearing the same outfit I had when is performed with Rainy Coast! I looked around confusedly. It was the Norse's office but it looked different!! On the wall was a picture of Tokio Hotel! (just imagine that he is a 80s gothic band 2 ok because he is more old den panic?! at the disco or mcr) there was also a Beatles calendar with a picture of the beetles wearing eyeliner and black cloves. On it said '1980.'

"OMFG!! I'm back in Tim again!" I screamed loudly. Suddenly Satan (this is actually James 4 photo refers!).

"OMFG Bella r u ok." He asked.

"Yah I'm okay 4 your in4mation." I snapped sexily. "OMG am I dead??" because I remembered I had jumped in front off the bullet from James's gun. I also remembered seeing Edward doing it with Carlisle! I guessed that when I ate the steak I had went bake in time instead of dying. I knew I could go forward in time if I found a time-toner or the time machine.

"No you're not dead." Satan reassured as he smoked a cigarette sexily and smoke came all over his face. "Ur a vampire so u can't die from a bullet. Cum on now lets go c how Jacob's dad is doing." I know that the real reason I didn't die from the ballet was because I was from the future. "WTF!! James almost shot Carlisle!!" I said indigo ally. I knew that James had really been possessed, but I didn't want him2 know I knew.

"Yah I know but he had a headache he was under a lot of stress." Satan reasoned evilly.

"I guess that's ok." I said because James hadn't really shot Carlisle. Also I know that Carlisle wood now have 2 arms instead of 1. I walked outside with Satan. Suddenly I saw a totally sexy bi guy!

"Hey." He said all quietly.

"Who is that?" I asked angrily because I did nut know him.

"This is…Laurent!" Said James. "He used to be in Rainy Coast 2 but he had 2 drop out because he broke his arm.

"Hey Laurent." I said seductively even though I was nut trying to b.

"Hi Bella." He answered but then he ran away because he had Biology. He was humming Welcome 2 the Black Parade under his breath (I no that is not 80s but pretend it is ok!!)

"Bye." I said all sexily.

"That was Laurent. He used 2 b my boyfriend but we broke up." Satan said sadly.

"OMFG I can get u back 2gether!" I said fingering something I didn't know was in my pocket - a black video iPod that I could take videos with.

"Ok u can 4get about your class for now, Laurent. I'm going 2 show u something grate!" I led them to the cafeteria. "Cum on u guys." Carlisle, James, Billy and Charlie were all in the cafeteria. Carlisle wouldn't talk with James because he had tried 2 shoot him.

He shouted at him. "Edward is never gong 2 b friends with Vampire now!"

"Yah Samara!" Carlisle agreed but I know he was lying because it had been his fault James had almost shot Carlisle.

"B quiet u guys." I said sexily. Mi plan was working out great. Now I could make James good! Now Jacob's dad wood never die. I sat depressed in Chief Swan's office with Laurent, Satan, James, Billy, Carlisle and Carlisle. Charlie was sitting in front of us cruelly. He looked younger den he did in the future. He had taken the iPod away and was now listening 2 a shitty Avail Levine song.

"What is this anyway??" he cackled meanly. I hoped he didn't find out that I was from another time.

"Whatever u do don't blame Bella, u jerk." Satan said.

"Yah, she was trying to get Satan and Laurent back together." Billy said defiantly.

"Be quiet you vampires." Charlie cockled. "If you're lucky I'll probably send u all to jail!! That will teach u to cooperate in the cafeteria." He changed the song on the iPod 2 a nosing song. Suddenly I noticed summing strong about the IPod. It was slowly changing! Charlie didn't notice.

"You poser." I buttoned.

"I bet you've never herd of GC." James said. Know I knew what the iPod was changing in2- Marti Muffle's time machine!

"Shut up James!!" Edward's dad shouted.

"Yeah shut up!!" Snake said creepily.

"No u shut up Charlie!" said James.

"I've had enough of u Satanists in my school!!" shouted Charlie spuriously. Suddenly I grabbed the iPod from him. "Evry1! Jump in b4 its 2 l8!! I jumped in2 it. But only 1 odder person jumped in. It was…Satan.

"You dunderheads!!" screamed Charlie wisely as we went. I looked around. I was in the cafeteria with Satan.

"Hey cool, where this is?" he asked in an emo voice.

"This is the future. Chief Swan's iPod that he tried to take away from me was really also a time machine." I told him.

"Cool what's an eye patch?" he whimpered.

"It's something u use 2 listen 2 music." I yakked.

"OMFG cool wait what's 4-letter-wurd 4 dirt?" he asked in his sexy voice.

"Um I guess sand??" I lay confusedly.

"Yah I was just trying to make sure u were still the same person." He triumphantly giggled. Suddenly some of my friends walked in.

"OMG you're alive!" said Angela. I explained 2 her why I was alive.

"Hello." said Jessica.

"Hey," Said Jasper with his hair.

"Hey who's that, Bella?" Alice.

"Oh it's Satan." I told her and she nodded knowing the truth. Suddenly Satan started to cry.

"Are you okay Satan?" we asked concernedly.

"OMFG you're from the future! What if you don't like m anymore because were from different times??" he asked.

"No I still like you." I said sexily to him.

"Ok." He said reservedly. I let him listen 2 Teenagers by MCR on my iPod while I was about to go outside to find out some things. I gave Jasper a signal to keep Satan occupied. Satan fell asleep. I took the iPod. I was about to walk outside. Miss Varner ran in!


	12. Epilogue: Bullets and love

"Oh my god, where's Edward! How did Carlisle get back here!! I thought he was in jail." I asked sadly.

"Bella I was so worried about u but I know you can't die because you're a vampire. Carlisle came back because that girl Rosalie freed him. I never liked her she was a bad student." Varner said reassured.

"That girl! Did she also free Sam and Loopin?" I shouted angrily. I hated Rosalie because she was a prep.

"Yes they are on the loose at this school. Charlie is back Victoria is on her way to help evry1. Tell evry1 u see to lock themselves in their cafeteria!" Varner said worriedly.

"OK. But where's Edward? How cum he was doing it with Carlisle??"

"I don't know why but I know he almost tried 2 commit suicide after he saw u almost kill yourself." she said.

"OMG that's terrible!!" I gasped. Satan was still asleep, so he couldn't tell what was going on. Then I said "Listen evry1, I have something important to do. In hr evry1 stay!!" with that I ran out.

"Good luck Bella!" everyone cried. I ran sexily down the stairs in2 the cafeteria. There was hardly ne1 else in the stairs and there was an atmosphere of horror. On the way I saw Rosalie laughing on the stairs.

"You are mean" I shouted angrily.

"No, your totally mean. Now James will like totally kill u!" she laughed.

"I will shoot you!" I shouted selectively pontificating my black gun and she started screaming because she was being tortured and I laughed sadistically.

"No! Help me! Please!" Rosalie screamed terrified. I put up my middle finger at her. In her hand I saw the video camera Carlisle had used to take the video of me. I put the tape of James doing it with Laurent onto it. Then I continued to run down the stairs with the camera. When I had reached the cafeteria I saw Jacob Black.

"OMG Jacob!" I yielded. We hugged each udder happily. He locked at me with his spiky black hair. Around them were black eyeliner and iShadow.

"I was so worried you died!" moaned Jacob.

"I know but I'm a vampire. When I woke up I was back in 1980, so anyway I bought James from when he was young with me."

"Where's Edward?" I asked spuriously.

"Edward? You mean that poser who betrayed you?" Jacob snarled with anger in his sexy voice.

"I NO BUT WE HAV 2 FIND HIM." I SED SMARTY.

"I'll do it den." Jacob said nastily.

"OK." I agreed. Suddenly…all the lights in the room went out. And den…the Voltari appeared.

"Oh my Satan!!" Jacob shouted.

"I fink James has arrived." I said anxiously. "I have to find Edward!!1 I guess we should separate."

"Ok." Jacob said disappearing. Sadly I ran into the cafeteria. I walked sexily into the cafeteria. It was empty except for one person. Edward was there!! He sat there in deadly bloom. He had slit his wrists! I felt mad at him for having sex with Carlisle but I felt sorry for him.

"Edward, are you okay??" I asked.

"I'm not okay." he screamed depressed. I thought of the MCR song and I got even more depressed because that song always makes me cry. I gave him a pot cigarette and he started to smoke it.

"Oh Edward why did you do it with that bastard Carlisle?" I asked tearfully.

"I-" Edward began to say but suddenly James and Mr. Varner aspirated in2 the room!! They didn't see us.

"I'm so glad we me and Carlisle were freed." said James.

"This job would be great if it wasn't 4 the students!" Mr. Varner agreed.

"Pop addelum!!111" I yielded angrily pointing my gun at them.

"No!" James shouted as chains came on him. Mr. Varner ran away.

"You pervert." I said laughing with depths of evil and depressions in my voice. "Now you have 2 tell us where James is or I'm gong 2 torture u!!"

"I don't now where he is!" said James. Suddenly Satan and Jacob ran in2 the room. Jacob didn't know who Satan was really.

"Oh my Satan, we were so worried about u guys!!1" Jacob said. I looked sexily at Edward. I selectively took the caramel from my pocket. Suddenly…a big black car that said 666 on the license plate flew strait through the windows. And Carlisle was in it!!11

"That's mi car!!" shouted Edward angrily. But suddenly it was revealed who was in the car. It was…Carlisle!!

"I shall free you James but first you must help me kill these idiotic dunderheads." he said cruelly from the car as it flew circumambient above us.

"Bella Swan must be killed. Den the Volturi shall never die!!"

"You prep!!" yelled Edward. Then he looked at me sadly. "I forgot to tell u, Bella. Carlisle made me do it with him. I didn't really do it with him!!" We all put our clothes on quickly except Satan. We were so scarred! But Satan didn't change. Instead he changed into a man with long hair!

"I knew who thou were all along." he cackled evilly and sarcastically at me.

"Now I shall kill thee all!!" Thunder came in the room.

"No please don't kill us!" pleaded Jacob. Suddenly Jessica, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Sam, Esme, Charlie, Billy and Carlisle all ran in.

"What is the meaning of this?" Charlie asked all angrily and James looked away (because Charlie is the only person he is scared of.) He drove his car sexily. James jumped on the roof evilly.

"Oh my goth!" Charlie gasped.

"The Volturi shall kill all of you. Then you must submit to him!!" Carlisle enslaved menacingly.

"You preppy fags!" Billy shouted angrily.

"I know four - letter word 4 dirt, DIE!" screamed Jacob but the sparks from his gun only hit Edward's car. It fell down Carlisle quickly crawled out of it and picked up the video camera.

"Oh my god!" I cried because the video of me in the bathroom, the video of me with Edward and the video of Satan doing it with him.

"If you kill me then these videos will be shown to everyone in the skull. Then u can be just like that gothic girl Paris Hilton." He laughed meanly.

"No!" I screamed. "FYI I have the picture of u doing it with James!"

"What's she talking about??" James slurped as he sat in chains.

"I saw 2 she's gonna show evry1 the picture!" Jacob shouted angrily.

"Shut up!" Lumpkin roared.

"Foolish ignoramuses!!" yielded James from his broomstick. "Thou shall all dye soon."

"Think again you human poser!" Jacob yelled and then he and Jasper and Emmett both took out black guns! But James took out his own one.

"U guys are in a Latin stand-of!" I shouted dispiritedly.

"Shoot Emmett's gun!" cried James and suddenly Emmett's wind was in his hands. "Now I shall kill thee all and Bella u will die!" He maid lighting come all over the place.

"Save us Bella!" Charlie cried. I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the cafeteria and slit my wrists with mi friends while we watched Shark Attack 3 and Saw 2 but I knew I had 2 do something more impotent.

"ABRA KEDABRA!" I shouted. And a rabbit came out of a top hat.

* THE END. *


End file.
